It is spreading

This.
I just want this.
And, here I am again.
Losing it.
I don't know if I can really lose him.
He's everywhere. I'm the sun, and he's the universe around me.
If he left... What would I be left with?
FRIENDS.
I must continue to tell myself... You'll make it.
You'll make it.
You'll make it.
This has been building up.
Like a cancer, it just spread and multiplied.
And now, the body of our relationship is falling apart.
It's black and rotting.
And... I get it. He had to get out.
I thought I wanted out too... until I saw that our black and rotting relationship
Is the ground that I stand upon.
His support gets me though the hard days.
And... Its ending.
I can't even see his face... just thinking about it...
I want to break down.
I want to stay up here in this safe place where I don't have to see him,
because if I don't see him or hear his voice,
He can't leave me.
He can stay in my head.
He can stay in my heart.
Oh my God...



I can do this.
I can't do this.
I don't know.
I'm gonna need to be carried out of this pit.
I'm gonna need lots of support.
DON'T CRY.
DO NOT CRY.
Don't let one freaking tear stain your face.
I must repeat this.
Over, and over, and over, and over, and over...
DON'T CRY.
I cannot cry.
I will get through this!


I know it. I figured it out.
He's scared. He's just scared now.
I went off and did something dumb.
And he's immature- he doesn't know how to handle it.
And... If HE breaks up with ME, then it's okay for him to come running back...
He'll come back.
He will.
He's got to.
We have something so perfect...
HAD something so perfect...

He's gonna get hurt.
He's gonna think he has fallen for someone else..
and they'll BREAK HIS HEART.
The heart that I did my best to cradle and take care of.
They're just going to wreck it.

He won't find a girl like me.
Not anywhere.
There isn't one.
There's no more of me out there.
There's no more of me in here.
I think he took it with him....

DAMNIT!. I don't know if I can really do this.
I'm breaking up inside.
I'm ripping to shreds...
Black and rotting.
That's me.

I've got to go.
I've got to go get broken even more.
And, I'll be back.
Back to explain the hurt that is going on.
Back to give you the next diagnosis.
Tell you where else the cancer has spred.