Dear Un-Read Blog.

I think your blog was kinda like this. ^

And this whole time I never realized why you were so...
Mad?
Pissed?
Distant?

I mean, you were being a dick and you never told me why.
And I got so sick of it.
SO sick of it.
I just figured you hated me and I gave up a little bit.
Okay... I totally gave up.
On top of every-freakin-thing, I just gave up.

And now you're doing it right now.
Not talking... being... awkward?
It's my fault, too.

I think.

There's no recent blogs from you.
So I can't figure this one out.

But I know you hated "the fake."
and then suddenly...

You hated me.
I don't know what the hell I did.
My blog...
My terrible teenage poetry.
That did it I guess.

Well, you know what I've got to say now?
I'm happy.
Happy as hell.

And if you can't accept that...
accept HIM.
Then you're not the friend I thought you were.
You're not.

And the way you're acting... I'm just not going to deal with.
I'm sorry that the five minutes I spend spilling my overflow onto this keyboard offends you.
But you're going to have to freaking deal with it.

And no.
It's not good poetry.

It's GOD AWFUL.
BECAUSE IT'S NOT POETRY.

It's a blog.

So you can just press Esc now, because these words will never be good enough.
I decided, though, that you were worth a mad blog post.
And if it pops your balloon, then I'll just have you know you stabbed holes in mine.

Don't say any other guy in the world is any worse than you.
You're no God.
If I'm not mistaken, you're the reason my world kinda toppled over.
And I know you're freakin' proud of it.

I don't know where I'm going with this.
I'm just typing.
typing.
typing.

You aren't being fair.
And I'm not either...
or am I?

Screw it.
I'm done.

PUBLISH POST.

Sing.

Just... sing to me.
Forever and always.
If melody is my destiny,
then what's left of me...
I'll give to you.

Can I have my cake?
...Can I have you too?
<3

I get chills thinking about how much I love you.
Our moments are so damn perfect.
I could sit there...
On the very edge of kissing your lips.
Forever.
I love how we could sit there...
with just millimeters between our love bitten lips.
Breathing eachother's breaths.
Our brown eyes tied together by invisible string.

I'm having trouble typing,
I'm busy swimming in that moment.

You.
Singing.
To. Me.

That's where I want to be.

Me.
Singing.
To. You.

That's where I want to be.

because it's in the song that I find my home.
My comfort.
And it's in you.

I love you.
I really, really do.

Hold my hand.

Will you hold my hand?
Because that warmth fights the frostbite of my heart.
(That was an emo statement)
But you know how much I need you...
How much I need EVERYONE in my life.

Like my best friend.
Who I hung out with yesterday for the first time in too long.
And taking pictures is enough to refresh us.
We feed off eachother's happiness.
Girl... When you're sad, I'm sad.
And when you're happy, I'm happy.
You will be my best friend...
My bridesmaid...
My sister for the rest of my life.
And when we're old we can do crazy makeup and take pictures.
And we'll reminisce on these times.
These days.
So lets have more of these days!
Lets push our life to fit eachother more.
I miss you.
So much. I really do.
You're my favorite. <3
Hold my hand? I'll hold yours.
We'll get through this together.


And YOU, my boy...
You're just too good to be true.
Thank you for spoiling me rotten. :)
It's making me so happy, I could pee my pants.
Thank you for supporting me in EVERYTHING I do.
I know it's crazy.
I know I'M crazy.
But I love you.
I do. I do. <3

Montheversary.

A teen titans backpack.
A christmas teddy bear.
A hundred kit-kats.
A bar of soap.

And a long loving note.


Aren't you just the romantic? :)

We fought today.
Over whether or not I treated you like a dog on a leash.
And then you said you might be going to a party.
And you know how parties don't go over well with me.
And you said you most likely wouldn't drink.

And I'll just honestly say, I didn't believe you for a second.

So I got mad.
And I snapped.
I SERIOUSLY snapped at you.

I'm still sorry about that.
What I said...
I didn't mean it.

I keep doing that!

I don't know why.
I'm just in love and I don't like it.

Haha:)

That's it.

I'm in love and hating it.
Hahaha I LOVE YOU.
And it's a problem because I'm so terrified and there are so many walls around me that YOU have to break down.
And there are so many walls around me that only I can break down. ON MY OWN.
And I don't want to.
It's gonna hurt. :/
I just know it will.

But...


I want it.
I want you.
And it's so weird because two years ago I couldn't EVER imagine saying this.
to YOU!
Where the hell did you come from?
Like honestly. :)

I couldn't ask for more.
I couldn't.

And when I glance at him...
because it's no secret that I do...
I think about how much better you are.
How you ACTUALLY love me.
You do.
And you tell me all the time.
And I love you.
And I try to tell you all the time.
And your arms are the ones I seek when I glance at him and it hits me...
I run into a wall.
It's you that I run to.
And I love having you.
I love it.

And I love you.
I love you.
I do.

And it feels so terrifyingly beautiful to admit this.
So...
I'm in :)
For the next million months.
Every 18th coming our way.
Those are OUR days.

I LOVE YOU.

Wishing.

Wishing.

I blow the dandelion to pieces.
I throw the penny into the well.
I blow your eyelash from the tip of my thumb.
I watch the star flash in and out of sight.

Wishing.

I find myself in this wishful state of mind-
during passing periods.
waiting in the car for you.
those last minutes before sleep.
those first minutes of awakeness.
Wishing my alarm had not gone off.
Wishing I could push snooze one more time.
Wishing my stomach felt happy not sad.
Wishing that waking up wasn't so hard.

Sometimes I don't want to get up at all.
Ever.
Actually... I never ever want to get up.
I would lie in that cotton sanctuary until the day that I died.
If only I could push snooze that many times.

Snooze.
Snooze.
Snooze.

I was going to...

Write a cute blog about how much I love you.
And then...
I realized there was no way in hell I had the energy.



So I love you.

Honeymoon Phase.

So perfect.
That's us--right there.
"Just Married."
And the honeymoon phase has been glorious.

But we're home now.
And we have to pay bills.
And we have to go to school.
And go to work.

I work at TSTDC Inc.
You work at Wrestling & Dance Co.
We do have meetings at Jazz/Mad Center sometimes.
But I mean, we're pretty separated.
Lunch together every weekday though!
That's nice.

But we don't really get to come home to each other.
Oh, the flaws of High School Marriages.
We sometimes have weekends!
Well, when I get weekends off from work.
Church though!
But who falls in love at church... :)

I don't know.
I think I'm getting scared.
It's not all butterflies and fancy buffets-
No more mints on our pillows.
We're home now.

And the ring on my finger still spurs my heart to racing.
I look in your eyes and I'm lost.
Holding me close, THAT is my home.
Your voice... OHHHHH YOUR VOICE!
I could listen to that on repeat for the rest of my life.
I swear, I could.

Thinking about it makes me lose my breath.
I'm lost in you.
Straight up, lost.

I don't care that the odds are against us.
Baby, you're my everything.
Baby you're the best.
The best I ever had. <3

Sorry about that.

Anyways, I don't care that the odds are against us.
I'm ready to push through.
It takes some brick walls to see how much you really want it.
Are we gonna break them?
I'm bracing myself.
Hold my hand?
Let's break them down together.
Even without months of seeing your face, I'd at least see you in my dreams.
I will always love you.
Always.
And when the world comes crashing down around us-
We'll still be together.
And we can make it.

I'm ready to give all that I've got.
How about you, my love?

Sitting at your desk.

Sitting at your overly cluttered desk.
Falling in love with the mess that is you.
Dirty dishes...
Hand cuffs?
Muscle rub.

Roller Coaster.

I'm your own personal roller coaster.
I love to build up and up and up
Until we can see the rooftops of the skyscrapers...
But there's always a down.
A hurtling, spinning, screaming down.

I don't mean to...
It just always happens.
You have to understand, this roller coaster has no control.
The gears are all broken.
This one is just relying on the laws of physics.

So strap yourself in.
We may be hanging upside down, but I'll hold onto you.
We might get halfway up that hill and then roll backwards down it...
but we can always push our way back up.

It might be bumpy in some places.
It's not brand new, you know.
but I want to be your favorite thrill.
And I want to make the winged creatures in your tummy flutter.
I want you to not know whats next.

I want you to just hang on so tightly...
Please don't ever let go.


I'm in.
I am willing to close my eyes and fly down this steep hill.
I'm ready to throw my hands in the air and scream.
I'm ready to do whatever it takes- it's gonna take alot.
But guess what...
This little red panic button?
I'm not gonna push it.
Not even if this roller coaster takes me halfway to the end of the world.
I'm holding on.
I'm riding.
I'm in.

I bought a Lifetime Pass.

How about you?
Are you in?